You've been waiting and hoping for months, a little note on your calendar, telling you today is the day. After an excruciating ride home, tucked in the bag in the passenger seat, you toss aside everything else and hold it in your hands. Cellophane tries to prevent your feverish progress as you grasp at the exasperating corners of plastic. With this aside, you slide a scissor along the security strip, finally able to open the case. There it is. So perfect and beautiful, this copy having never been seen before by human eyes. Lovingly, you extrapolate the game from its gripping tabs and place it into the tray of your XBOX 360. Your adventure is ready to begin.
Yes folks, I speak of the classic video game, in this case a video game for the XBOX 360. Without a doubt, upon first reading this, many would suspect that I, the author, am a boy. It's a stereotype that has been perpetuated both in the video game industry and in society throughout video games history. So for me, a twenty year old woman, to not only like video games, but to be avidly obsessed with them, as well as proficient at playing them, takes many by surprise.
-It's a work in progress, but I just want initial reactions.-
I like.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm wondering what it would feel like if the "you's" were removed from the first paragraph? I can see how it could be useful to try and connect your experience with the reader when you're including "you's" (like we talked about in class once). I guess what I'm trying to get at in a long, winded, and possibly redundant way is this: if the first paragraph was written in first person, or even in a somewhat objective way, what would that do to your piece?
This is the first thing your readers will lay eyes on...I think it's important to play with it!!
[I hope all of this made sense :)]
Thank you Whit! I definitely see what you're saying, I'll keep that in mind in my revision. :)
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